Why Getting Married at 20 Was My Best Decision Ever/Haters Gon' Hate

I spent a decent amount of time between the ages of 17 and 21 searching out and drinking booze. In fact, I spent an entire year of that living in my own apartment after graduating high school, not going to college, and doing shots in my kitchen when I wasn't working or blowing my money. Friends and I roamed the streets of Deep Ellum, and other various locations in downtown Dallas, going to shows, getting tattooed and pierced, and drinking vats of coffee until the wee hours of the morning. 

Eventually I made my way back into education. The weekend before moving into my first semester at school, I was involved in an accident that totaled my car. I had bruises that left me unable to wear a bra, let alone sleep comfortably. I had been dropped off in a new, different city, with no car. On top of that, I had the world's cattiest, loudest, worst roommate possible. I mean, what kind of 18-year-olds leave Dora the Explorer on all night long? I had 8:00AM classes, and I was over it.

I met all sorts of people, most of which I gave the benefit of the doubt, but walked away from thinking they were morons. By this point, I'd had my fair share of potential flings, and one hardly serious boyfriend. None of which hung around for much longer than a few months. Sitting in front of my dorm, cynically smoking tons of cigarettes at 19, I met a younger version of my Mountain Man. He thought everyone was stupid, too. Needless to say, we hit it off from the get go.

I had no intentions of getting married ever, let alone to my first serious relationship since high school. I've never believed in love at first sight (cynic, remember?), but somehow, I knew he was the proverbial one. I could feel it. I'd heard people say, "sometimes, you just know." And as simple as that, I just knew. So did he. Long story short, we moved in together, got engaged the following Christmas, got married in the courthouse with only our parents in attendance in January, and bought a house that we made our first home in June. 

We quit smoking together. We have taken tons of road trips and tons of pictures. We have gone on, and still go on, all sorts of dates. We, for all intents and purposes, grew up together. Then, of course, we survived a pregnancy together, and had our sweet little guy, Frank. On purpose, I might add. Neither of us were finished with our degrees, nor are we now (though he graduates in December. Go, Mountain Man, go!). I may even have more kids before I'm done with mine! I have all kinds of time to finish that degree that isn't entirely necessary to have a photography business. But, I won't be young forever. My family is my top priority (though I really, REALLY, REALLY want my degree. Don't get me wrong).

So who cares that we took the unconventional road? Who cares that we married quickly, and at 20 and 21? Apparently, a lot of people do. I even had it put, that at 30 when those who married too young get divorced, they spend a lot of depressing time trying to reclaim their wasted youths. Usually, I keep my opinions to myself as far as the internet is concerned, but sometimes I just can't control myself. Instead of swiftly typing, "BITCH, YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE!" in response (which is always my very strong first instinct), I take my time to calmly and carefully formulate my responses. But still, they are met with bastardized science, and more ignorance (and you know I can't just go around biting my tongue when people just drag science through mud like that, I've beat too many textbooks into my skull to let that shit go- plz excuse my language in this post). I am constantly questioning the Fs, palming my face, and s-ing my head when it comes to social networking. And, I mean, I'm pretty good at spotting trolls. 

Mountain Man shares the same, if not a deeper, level of understanding of the world (we've beat our heads against the same textbooks), and we can have intelligent conversations together. I constantly thank God that I am not married to an idiot. He is, at the most basic level, my beacon of hope in a world full of stupid. I no longer have to wade through other peoples' bullshit. We can retreat into our home together after a long day of more WTFs, SMHs, and facepalms. 

I don't think I wasted a single ounce of my youth. I lived it up, I participated in my fair share of partying. So did Mountain Man. We even partied together. Frankly, I grew tired of that crap pretty darn quick. I wouldn't have accepted his proposal if I didn't understand the ramifications of my decision. Forever is forever. We just got started on our forever a little sooner. But what can I say? Haters gon' hate.

Looking Forward

I blink and suddenly here we are, mid-June. I've been slowly whittling away the pounds in between all of the teething and crawling going on around here. Now I'm sitting at 263. I've happily chucked another four pounds into the not-gaining-this-back bucket. These pushups are definitely not getting any easier, but maybe I'll get some killer arms out of the deal?
The first several months of Frank's life, I viewed my body in a more utilitarian way. It's function? Sustain baby. I was a walking, emotional, (leaking..), post-partum blob on legs. My body is FINALLY starting to regain shape. My curves are returning along with a healthy dose of confidence, and I feel more and more like a human being every day (and much less like that blob). That pre-pregnancy number is finally within grasp. Oh, and, I finally did it. I bit the bullet and bought a bigger pair of jeans and I haven't looked back.

My photography is still headed in the right direction, as my return-to-school-semester looms overhead. As much as I'm dreading the logistics of child care, applying for child care grants, scheduling pick-ups and drop-offs, homework during nap time... the anticipation and excitement are slowly building for being back in a classroom setting. A lot of good things are coming this fall and I cannot wait to share them. Not only will I knocking out a semester worth of classes (let's just beat this dead horse, shall we?), but my best friend is getting married in October and I'll be maid of honor/photographer at said wedding, Frank's epic first birthday party will come in November, and don't even get me started on the holiday season. I'm trying to be patient (you know, since it's still only June), but I am so ready to start a few wonderful and beautiful traditions with my sweet boy. Did I mention he's crawling?!

In other news, baby sister graduated high school. Besides the immense pride, all I feel is old, old, old.

A New Day, & I'm Feelin' Good

I have commitment issues.

Occasionally, I try to make commitments to this blog. For example, I'm going to take, and post, a new photo with a predetermined theme each day this month. I'm going to update with my weekly/monthly weight loss progress regularly. I'm going to graduate with my shiny science degree, and then have a baby.

Welp. That didn't quite pan out as I'd planned. Life happens, and this month has been full of it (life happenings, and well, poop).

I have, however, managed to keep some very important commitments. I am very committed, and happily married, to my Mountain Man. I've also kept my commitments as Frank's mommy, and to the rest of the critters who share our living space. I've kept my commitment to feeling better about myself, and have completed my running plan! WOOHOO! Who has two thumbs and can complete a solid 20-minute run, sans puking? This girl. Now it's time to work that up to a solid 30, then see about fitting three miles into that half hour (color run, here I come!).

My weight has been steady, sitting around at 267. No major gains, and no losses. But hey, that's alright. I'm making progress in other ways that some number cannot measure. Frankly, the scale can go screw itself. Speaking of weight loss, and my body (and my body image issues that I've carried around with me my entire life), I have been looking at myself in all wrong ways. (WOAH. I know what you're all thinking, who would do such a thing?) I have approached this weight loss with the wrong attitude. I even said that I would not, under any circumstances, purchase a bigger pair of jeans. Why would I put that ridiculous restraint on myself? My body has changed. I had a baby for crying out loud. It's time I backed into this from another angle. It's time to start dressing my body for how it is right now, this very second, and loving my body for how it is right now. I've always had this mentality of, "I will love myself more if I could just lose [insert number] more pounds. Then I will really be beautiful."

If I heard any of this bull come out of my friends' collective mouths, I'd slap 'em. Not really, guys. But, isn't it time that I start holding myself to these standards, instead of the ones set by society?

May 17: Black & White

I've been wanting to take this shot (or a similar one) for a while. Now that Frankie is sitting up on his own, I was finally able to! This is more of a rough draft, but it's just about all of the sitting still he would tolerate. He was more focused on eating the bears. 

1/320, 3.5, ISO 400

May 16: Something Soft

Imogen (& the fish).

May 15: Up Close

 Rye

May 14: Looking Down

I played blog hookie yesterday. Besides, the topic was "in your house," and you've all seen a decent chunk of the inside of my house in this blog already. In fact, this picture of Frankie is in my house.